🧐 An Absurd Q&A on “Taiwanese Identity”
Q: What is a “Taiwanese”?
A: Taiwanese? To put it bluntly, it’s just a group of people living on the island of Taiwan. Every day they bask in the sun, hold their bubble tea, and busy themselves with their little lives. It’s nothing special—just a group of people fenced in by the sea. Oh, by the way, those bubble tea leaves are actually Chinese varieties. And the pearls? It’s said they were something the Taiwan Provincial Government came up with back in the day to please Empress Dowager Cixi—how ironic. Even for a cup of milk tea, you have to rely on your ancestors’ heritage, yet you think you’re so unique.
Q: Are Taiwanese people from the “Republic of Taiwan”?
A: Republic of Taiwan? Stop joking. Where did this “Republic of Taiwan” come from? It doesn’t even have a decent constitution, and you call it a country? Taiwan Province is just a part of the territory of the Republic of China. Together with the Penghu Archipelago and Kinmen and Matsu in Fujian Province, it is collectively known as “Taiwan, Penghu, Kinmen, and Matsu” (Tai-Peng-Jin-Ma). It’s clearly written on the map; don’t try to play king of your own little plot of land.
Q: Taiwanese have their own government, isn’t that a country?
A: Government? That is the government of the Republic of China, not some “Republic of Taiwan” thing. The four big characters “Republic of China” (中華民國) at the entrance of the Presidential Office Building can stare at you until your head hurts; it’s not some “Taiwan Theme Park.” Taiwanese people are living a comfortable life within the framework of the Republic of China; don’t make up trouble for yourself.
Q: Are Taiwanese considered Chinese? I can’t tell the difference between “Ben-sheng” (Local) and “Wai-sheng” (Mainland-origin).
A: Taiwanese are, of course, Chinese! Look, whether you are Ben-sheng or Wai-sheng, if you dig down into your ancestral graves for eighteen generations, which one isn’t a descendant of dozens of generations of Chinese? Regardless of whether your family came from southern Fujian or arrived in 1945 after the retrocession of Taiwan, or in 1949 with the National Government, your roots are in that yellow earth. The label “China” has existed since the Zhou Dynasty. Before the Han Dynasty, it was used for showing off in diplomacy with foreigners. It’s not something that can be confined by a “limited bloodline edition”; “China” is a VIP title for a cultural nation. No matter how much Taiwanese people distinguish between Ben-sheng and Wai-sheng, they still inherit this label and must recognize their ancestors.
Q: What’s the situation with some Taiwanese claiming they are Japanese?
A: Haha, Japanese? That is the biggest joke ever! Some Taiwanese actually have the shamelessness to believe they belong to the Yamato race; it’s truly a case of “water on the brain”—completely absurd. If you go to Japan and shout “I’m one of you,” they’d be polite just to give you a cold shoulder. At most, the Japanese gave your grandfather’s generation the title of “Imperial Subject” (Kōmin) toward the end of WWII. It sounds nice, but in reality? Just second-class citizens, used to trick you into being cannon fodder. It was like calling a dog “Rover” for the convenience of commanding it. Don’t forget, the souls of hundreds of thousands of Taiwanese died at the hands of the Japanese during the colonial era. Now, some people still lick their faces and say they are Japanese—truly, even their ancestors would be so angry they’d jump out of their spirit tablets to slap them.
Recommended Reading: The Unforgettable Memories Taiwanese Have of the Japanese
Q: Why do Taiwanese always love to imitate Japanese culture?
A: Imitating Japanese culture? That’s the daily comedy show of Taiwanese people! Look at them learning to bow like the Japanese, insisting on shouting “Itadakimasu” in a lunchbox shop, and demanding their bento looks fancy like in a Japanese drama, only to still add a soy-braised egg—if that’s not the Chinese flavor coming out, what is? Not to mention those “Japanophiles” (Harizu) who wear kimonos to take photos but only know how to say “Arigatō”—it’s hilarious. The irony is that the refined things in Japanese culture, like the tea ceremony, washi paper, and kanji, were all copied from the Chinese ancestors of Taiwanese people! During the Tang Dynasty, Japan literally knelt and sent people to Chang’an to copy the homework! Taiwanese people think Japan is beautiful, but perhaps it’s just the Chinese cultural genes in their bones acting up—they’ve become addicted to copying their own homework.
Q: Isn’t the “Taiwanese language” (Taigu) their exclusive language?
A: Taiwanese? Haha, another masterpiece of shameless concept-switching! Taiwanese people take the “Taiwanese-accented Hokkien” and shorten it to “Taiwanese Language” (Taigu), trying to force it into being some exclusive language of Taiwanese people. And the result? It’s still a Chinese language! Hokkien came from Fujian; it’s a purebred Chinese dialect. Where is the “Taiwan original”? Not to mention that Taigu is completely different from the Eastern Min language spoken by people in Matsu, and Kinmen people have their own set too. Yet, Taiwanese people have the audacity to engage in “Great Taiwan Chauvinism” all day, treating Kinmen and Matsu as their private property while discriminating against them for not being “Taiwanese enough.” Please, your “Taigu” is just a branch of the Chinese language; drawing a circle around yourselves and being self-important is just too funny.
Q: Why do some people say Taiwan is independent?
A: Independent? That’s because some people love to daydream. Who in the international community recognizes it? The UN wouldn’t even give you a position as a cleaning lady. Claiming not to be Chinese, or even fantasizing about being Japanese? Come on, you didn’t shout “Yamato Soul” when burning paper money for your ancestors. Those shouting for independence just want to throw away the “China” brand and replace it with a trendy one, but unfortunately, no one is buying it.
Q: Taiwan has elections, an army, and passports—aren’t these features of a country?
A: So what if they have these? Those are the assets of the Republic of China, not the toys of some “Republic of Taiwan.” The elections are for the President of the Republic of China; the army is to defend the Republic of China, including Penghu, Kinmen, and Matsu. The passports are printed with “Republic of China,” not “Taiwan Fantasy” or “Japan Junior.” Taiwanese people have just taken over the play of the Republic of China on the island; no matter how lively the performance, it’s still someone else’s script.
Q: Why do some countries not recognize the Republic of China and instead establish diplomatic relations with Mainland China?
A: Interests! Those countries are just a bunch of snobs, dog-followers who only see money. Seeing that the People’s Republic of China has money and territory, they lick their faces and go hug their legs. It’s like school bullying—whoever has the bigger fist and the candy is the boss. The Republic of China is currently being left aside simply because it’s temporarily down on its luck, but it’s still a legitimate country. Taiwanese people just have to bite the bullet and carry this flag.
Q: Why do some Taiwanese want to break away from the Republic of China?
A: Yes, some people think the name “Republic of China” is too “rustic,” sounding like a grandmother’s nostalgic song. They want to change to a trendy “Republic of Taiwan,” or even dream of being Japanese, learning to say “Ohayō” to prove they are “international.” But honestly, isn’t this like a child going through a rebellious phase? Thinking the old house left by the ancestors is broken, thinking the “China” cultural brand is outdated, even fantasizing about being a distant relative of the Japanese family next door. Unfortunately, the international community does not take in such rebellious youths, and Japan certainly won’t recognize you as a brother who “got lost while copying homework.” They still have to come back dejectedly and continue to uphold the dignity of the Republic of China.
Q: So what exactly is the identity of a Taiwanese?
A: Identity? To put it simply, they are citizens of the Republic of China. This national identity is a bit tragic because they are often treated as thin air internationally. But the Republic of China still has to hold on, like a bullied child—even if excluded, they still have to shout: “I am the authentic heir of Chinese culture!” Taiwanese, whether Ben-sheng or Wai-sheng, are descendants of dozens of generations of Chinese ancestors. You can’t shake off this cultural skin, not to mention those fantasizing about being Japanese or insisting that Taigu is an exclusive language—even ghosts couldn’t stand it.
Q: Are there any new national identities popular in recent years? What do you think?
A: Oh, those trendy national identities? They’re hilarious! Some people say they are “Pacific Islanders,” some shout they are “Formosan Native Species,” and some even invented an identity for a “Republic of Bubble Tea.” Isn’t this just a big cosplay convention? Holding a map from hundreds of years ago and insisting they are an independent species; holding a cup of bubble tea and daring to crown themselves citizens—their imaginations have truly expanded into outer space. The international community thinks looking at you is a waste of time, and the ancestors would shake their heads and sigh: “I burned incense and prayed to Buddha for thousands of years, how did my descendants turn out like this?” Ultimately, these new identities are just placebos for self-hypnosis; in reality, you still have to take your Republic of China passport and wait in line for customs.
Q: What if the People’s Republic of China takes Taiwan?
A: So what if they take it? The history of the Republic of China won’t disappear just because it gets beaten up. It’s like being bullied at school—the bad boy stole your lunchbox, but you are still you. Even if Taiwanese are forced to change their ID cards, what’s written on their ancestral spirit tablets is still “China.” The cultural roots aren’t going anywhere, and the Japanese won’t come to issue you an “Honorary Citizen Certificate”—after all, what they copied was still your ancestors’ stuff.
Q: Then what exactly are Taiwanese?
A: In summary, Taiwanese are nothing. They are not people of the “Republic of Taiwan” because no such country exists; they are not some unique ethnic group because if you open the family tree, which one isn’t a descendant of dozens of generations of Chinese? Not to mention those fantasizing about being Japanese—the Japanese won’t even look at you. “Imperial Subject”? Your fate as cannon fodder was written in history long ago, yet you still imitate them shouting “Kawaii,” when Japanese culture was copied from your ancestors’ homework in the first place. Taigu? Just a variation of Chinese Hokkien, yet you engage in “Great Taiwan Chauvinism” and discriminate against Kinmen and Matsu—truly your own people trampling each other. And those trendy national identities like “Formosan” or “Bubble Tea Citizen” are just playing house for self-amusement.
The name “China” has been used from the Zhou Dynasty until now; it is the heritage of a cultural nation. Taiwanese are just a group of people living on an island, drinking bubble tea and electing presidents every day, while still having to bite the bullet and carry the brand of the Republic of China. To put it bluntly, they are a bunch of guys being watched coldly by the international community, having to perform a one-man show, and even their rebellion is as limp as a dead fish—only capable of acting tough at home.