In August 1983, I naively entered the military academy. I gritted my teeth through three months of enlistment that didn’t feel like a human life, endured four years of military academy life that ordinary people couldn’t imagine, and experienced a boring and rigid military career. Moreover, being female, I had to deal with a workplace where male superiors looked down on me. Worst of all, being married to a soldier, I had to support all the affairs of the household single-handedly. Back then, I naively thought that despite the hardship, after I retired, I could enjoy life and make up for a mountain of regrets from those years. But all this shattered when I received this “disposition notice.” I woke up from my dream; it turned out that being penalized was the punishment for my stupidity back then.
In the first two years after I retired, while my children were still in high school, I spent almost all my time at home. As the children grew older, I was grateful for the state’s care for me, so I chose to be a volunteer at Mackay Memorial Hospital and Yangmingshan; it has been six years now, with nearly 4,000 hours of service. I didn’t take a single penny of the travel allowance Mackay gave me, donating it all to help patients and families in need at the hospital. As for the travel allowance from Yangmingshan, it wasn’t even enough for gas and vehicle wear and tear, and I had to pay out of my own pocket. All this was simply because I felt gratitude in my heart.
As a Christian, I strictly practice tithing. But for society, I have always had regular donations. I have supported World Vision for over thirty years, continuously sponsoring one domestic child and one foreign child. Two years ago, I received notice from World Vision that 1,000 a month for a domestic child was not enough and it would rise to 2,000—though I could also sponsor half, keeping it at 1,000 a month. I thought to myself, 1,000 is not a small amount, 12,000 a year, but I gritted my teeth, let the credit card deduction go through, and since I didn’t see the money, it passed. So I continued to support a child. I also sponsored the Aftercare Fellowship’s ministry for prison inmates, sponsoring free newspapers every year, hoping to change the inmates so that when they return to society in the future, they can take the right path. I don’t actually do much, but I just do my best.
However, all this must change after receiving this disposition notice. Although I have my own house and my children are all grown up and can support themselves, and my expenses can be reduced so my later years won’t be miserable, this feeling of being betrayed is more disheartening than not getting the money. I have already resigned from my volunteer position at Mackay Hospital and will no longer serve there next year. Although I love Yangmingshan, I will reduce my service hours next year; at least I can spend less money on changing tires and maintaining the car. I considered it for a long time, but I must apologize to World Vision and the Aftercare Fellowship, because taking care of disadvantaged social groups and educating inmates is the responsibility of the government. The money the government saves from the military, public, and teaching sectors should be enough to cope with these things.
I also said to my children, “In the future, there isn’t much more Dad and Mom can do to help you; please work harder yourselves.” To my laborer friends, I also repeatedly reminded them: if the government can treat even the military, public, and teaching sectors like this, do you think this knife won’t cut you? As for some people hoping that a rotation of political parties can change things, my thought is—don’t be silly. I just don’t want to see this pile of self-enriching officials constantly appearing in the news.
Finally, I want to ask the superiors at the Ministry of National Defense: at least mark the “Republic of China” date in official documents. We can understand your difficulties, but you must at least have national identity! If soldiers don’t even have this bit of awareness, then I have to say: go eat shit!